Where was it the last time you saw it?
You lose something. Say, your kindle (I happen to provisionally lose my kindle often). It's not by your bed (where it should be!), it's not on your desk (where it could be?), and it's not in your bag (where it had once been). It's just not there.
So you go to your long-suffering partner and ask: "Do you know where my kindle is?"
And he looks at you like the lost case you are and asks:
"Where was it the last time you saw it?"
This is like a ritual dance. It has to happen, but it's the least helpful question in the world. Of course, that's the first thing you checked (by the bed). It's not there.
If you have met me in the last few months, I bet you have no trouble imagining me losing things. because 2014 was the year I kind of lost... me. And what's funny is that I finished the year by:
-going back to painting daily
-attending my high school reunion (10 years since graduation!)
No, no. It wasn't like that. It was really sweet. I went to high school in a very, very special place. I can wax lyrical about it, so I'll try and be brief. It was in the other side of the world (Swaziland, in Southern Africa); it was the first time I left my family behind; and the first time I realized my super power was creativity. It was also where I got my husband from.
Going back to the reunion made me see something unexpected: who I had been the last time I was just me. I left that very strange and magical place with a very serious life partner, and decisions have very rarely been just my own in the last decade. My ex-classmates and me would tour around our old rooms and corridors remembering things, like they had been embedded in the walls. Being there, physically, was almost like time travelling.
And it's funny, because I felt like I found myself again.
In a way, a part of me was right where I was the last time I saw me. By myself.
And the kindle? it had just slid between the bedside table and the bed. Right where I had last seen it.
Where were YOu the last time YOU saw YOURSELF?